Backwards Magic
by Andromeda Writes
Summary: Something is seriously, seriously wrong. (These are unconnected.)
1. Chapter 1

She turned over in bed, feeling strangely larger than usual. The left side of her body was a tinge… heavy, and she noticed a clock positioned in the left corner of her vision.

Something wasn't right, but maybe she was just dreaming.

She felt unfamiliar movement beside her, a vaguely familiar voice mumbling something about having to get back to the palace. More than that, she could feel waves of calm, serene energy rolling off of him.

She opened her eyes.

* * *

><p>Did he grow another foot overnight? She'd never felt so dwarfed in his arms as he held her, but she loved the way she seemed fit into him this morning. But he smelled… different. There was something off about how he felt, too. She noticed, then, that she couldn't really feel him at all. Wh-<p>

"Morning, beautiful," he whispered.

But it wasn't the voice she was expecting.

She wretched out of his grasp and screamed.

He sat up, "Whoa, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" He reached out his arms to comfort her.

"Thorne, if you touch me, I swear on every star that I'll _kill _you."

He cocked his head, "Cress?"

"I'm not Cress," she replied through clenched teeth.

Thorne laughed, "You're really supposed to give me a warning when we roleplay, you know."

She blushed, a sensation she wasn't used to, like she had just been let in on a secret that she should never have known, "I'm _not _Cress. It's me, Cinder."

Thorne laughed.

"I'm _serious_!" She shouted.

"Prove it."

Should-be-Cress's jaw clenched and unclenched as she tried to think of something, anything that would prove who she was. "When you were still blind, you walked in on me in the shower. I hit you with my metal fist and you wouldn't admit to anyone where that huge bruise on your shoulder came from."

He definitely hadn't told Cress where he'd gotten that bruise. It took three weeks for it to completely disappear.

He laughed again, a little too hard this time.

"You! This is all your fault," she growled. "You and Kai convinced that crazy second-era witchcraft lady to do this to us!" She balled her fists, "When I get my body back, I'm going to kick your ass, I'm going to kick Kai's ass, and then I'm going to kick that old hag's ass." The words didn't sound very threatening coming from a voice that was so small.

He hunched over, all but screaming in laughter. Two figures appeared at the doorway. Kai and Cinder – though it was obviously not exactly Cinder, because her movements were too stiff and awkward.

"What's going on?" Cinder's voice asked.

Should-be-Cress moved from the bed, crossing her arms and glaring at Thorne, who was still howling. "I'm going to kill your boyfriend, is what's going on." She marched over to the couple at the door. "Hey, Thorne! Is this funny?"

She reached up and wrapped her too small hand around the back of Kai's neck, pulling him down nearly a foot, crushing her lips against his. Kai's eyes were wide open as she kissed him, his lips sealed, and he felt her run her tongue along his bottom lip. He nearly gagged.

When she pulled away, he covered his mouth with his palm, muffling his words. "That was _so _wrong."

Thorne's expression was one of seriousness now, "Aces and spades. C'mon, Cinder. That was so unnecessary. It's only for 24 hours." He smirked, "What, afraid someone other than Kai's gonna see you naked?"

With a guttural scream, she lunged at him, and realized too late that the small body wasn't as strong as the one she was used to. Thorne blocked all of her shots with ease, sniggering all the way.

"_I'm going to kill you_!" She screeched, clawing at him.

Someone lifted her away from him, and she hadn't even heard Wolf coming. She was so used to being able to feel his presence from fifty feet away that she almost uselessly turned her attacks on him.

He set her back on the ground next to Scarlet, who was in the room, scratching the back of her head. "What did we miss?"

Should-be-Cinder turned toward the redhead, "Do you… do you remember last night when we were passing by that one booth? With the crazy old lady? She told us that if we gave her a strand of hair from two different people, she'd perform a spell so that they switched bodies for 24 hours?"

Scarlet gave an incredulous chuckle, "What?" She shook her head in disbelief, "No way. There's no way. That's impossible. There is absolutely no scientific grounding in that."

Thorne approached the group, running his fingers delicately over the one injury apparently-Cress was able to inflict on him. But, oh, if she'd had her metal hand…. He cleared his throat and Cinder noticed that he was still shirtless, and she felt ten times more uncomfortable. "That's what they said about the lunar magic mind trick thing, too, remember?" He nudged Cress's shoulder, "You damn Lunars got us really good with that one, didn't you?"

Apparently-Cress's fist balled again, intending to strike at him again.

"Um, Cinder, how come every time I look at you – me – there's an orange light in the left corner of my vision?" Should-be-Cinder asked.

Cress's hand scratched the back of her head, "Stars, I was hoping to keep that a secret." Everyone leaned in, as though they wanted to make sure they could hear the reason loud and clear. "It's a… I have… my cyborg programming comes with a lie detector. I'm not sure how it works, I just know that it does. It's how I knew when Lunars had their glamour on, back before I knew I was Lunar, too."

Kai blanched.

Thorne snorted, "Explains a lot, doesn't it?"

Kai coughed a few times, dragging his fingers through his hair, "I'll say."

Cress's palms covered her face, and a groan sounded from her throat. "I was going to tell you eventually."

"I guess you'll never question why she's mad at you again," Thorne elbowed the still-very-shocked Kai, winking.

Cress's arms crossed over her chest, "Well, as you _should _know, he's never lied to me intentionally."

Wolf covered his eyes with a hand, "So, when is this supposed to be over?"

"Um, well, it had to have happened after 02:00 –" Thorne couldn't keep himself from chuckling, recalling exactly _why_ Cress knew that, and she tried to keep a straight face as she continued, taken off-guard by the lack of warming in her cheeks, "-so that's around when we should be back to normal again."

Somehow-not-Cress leveled a glare at Thorne, "Sleep with one eye open."

Wolf sneered, "Take it from me – her metal fist is _not _pleasant. And my bones are reinforced."

"Hey!" Thorne took a quick step back, "That's not fair. Kai did it, too. You can't hit me again! My face is my pride, Cinder!"

Cress's eyebrows creased.

Kai reddened, dropped his gaze.

Scarlet's eyes shifted between the two men and Cress.

Finally, Cress's head shook back and forth. "He won't be getting away with it, either. Believe me."

Kai's gaze went to the ceiling, "Good stars, she's going to kill me."

"I'm going to do so much more than that."

* * *

><p>"Are you- are you sure they'll fall for it?" Apparently-Cinder asked in a hushed tone, leaning into the body that was supposed to be hers.<p>

Cress's laugh was too light and too airy for something Cinder would even want to expel, "The beauty of it is that they don't have to! It'll be hilarious either way. And I know you might be a bit uncomfortable with it, but remember: it's all fun and games anyway. To them, at least."

Cinder's head bobbed, "Okay, fine. Yeah. I'm in."

"Let's get to it, then."

Cress still felt entirely too large in Cinder's body as she straightened her shoulders, marching off to find Thorne.

Fortunately, he was sitting at the breakfast table with Kai, and they were laughing about something. "My love!" She said in a voice as harmonious as she could manage, hating that it was just too easy in that body, rushing over and seating herself across his lap, wrapping Cinder's hands around the back of Thorne's neck. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I know you're Cress," he said, frozen, "but this is just too weird."

Cinder's lips pushed into a pout, "What, just because I'm not in my body, it means I can't kiss my boyfriend?"

Thorne opened his mouth, closed it again, opened it, tried to think of a retort. "Uh, that's- that's exactly what it means."

"Stars. Can't you and Cinder get back at us some other way? This just – this is painful."

"Tell me about it," Should-be-Cinder muttered. "It's also _all your fault_."

As if on cue, Scarlet waltzed in. "Guys, something is wrong."

Not-Cinder glanced Scarlet, "What is it, Scar?"

"I'm not Scarlet," her eyes widened. "Something happened and I-I'm Cinder!"

"Aces and spades," Thorne breathed. "You weren't even there!"

Scarlet shrugged, "I don't know. I don't know what happened. It just… did!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, Wolf entered with Cress on his back.

Cress's voice was high as she spoke, "So this is what it's like to be short!"

A pained cry escaped Thorne's throat, "Wolf! Put my girlfriend down!"

Cinder's face contorted into the saddest expression as Cress forced their eyes to meet, "But… but I'm your girlfriend."

"No, wait. How is that possible?" Kai's eyes passed between the three women. "Why would it have taken until now for you to switch?"

"I dunno," Scarlet's fruity voice replied. "Maybe if I had access to, you know, the netscreen in my own brain, I could figure it out!"

Kai heard Cress's snicker from Wolf's back. "You're joking."

Wolf bent down and listened to Cress's small feet pad to the floor. Cress – who was apparently actually Scarlet at the moment – tilted her head. "We're really not! So what happens when it's been 24 hours since Cress was moved into Cinder's body, but not since Cinder and I switched bodies?" She gasped, a hand flying to her mouth, "What if we're stuck like this forever!"

Not-Cinder's head dropped back, using Thorne as an anchor so she wouldn't fall backwards. "This is so wrong! Though hacking would be infinitely easier with this built-in netscreen!"

Apparently-now-Cinder clapped Scarlet's hands. "I've always wondered what it would be like to have curves!"

Supposedly-now-Scarlet scratched the back of her head, "Being petite is… weird."

"Aces and spades," Thorne sighed, the weight of Cinder's cyborg leg digging into his thighs. "Please tell me you guys are joking!"

Kai buried the heels of his hands in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Scarlet. But I just… you don't look like Cinder! Oh-oh no."

"You'll just have to get used to it," Not-Scarlet told him with a shrug.

Thorne let out a long, sad moan before silence befell them.

It was five beats before Cress's laughter filled the room as apparently-now-Scarlet howled with laughter. "You should've seen your faces!"

Wolf crossed his arms and looked away as Thorne and Kai shot him questioning glances. Kai spoke first, "Wait – what just happened?"

"Scarlet is still just Scarlet. I'm still stuck in Cinder's body, and Cinder in mine," Should-be-Cinder replied from Thorne's lap, giggling. "It was pretty funny, though. You were so scared!" She bumped Thorne's shoulder with Cinder's metal hand and while she thought it was a light bump, Thorne's expression appeared pained.

"Wolf!" Kai pointed an accusing finger at him, "You were in on this!"

Wolf shrugged, "I can't say no to Scarlet." The redhead bumped into his hip and he instinctually wrapped an arm around her.

"There's still the problem that my girlfriend, she… she's trapped in my best friend's body and it's weird." Thorne was assessing Cinder's body with eyes full of fear.

"Well," Should-be-Cress took a seat across the table from him, but Thorne couldn't look at her, knowing it wasn't actually Cress. "Nothing's changed, we should be normal again by tonight."

Kai pulled his hands through his hair, "I think I'll take the couch until then. Also," he glanced at should-be-Cinder, "can you get off of him? This is way too much for me right now."

Cress glanced at Thorne, "S-sorry, Kai. I got comfortable."

"Why are you apologizing to _him_?" Thorne muttered through his clenched teeth. "I lost feeling in my legs ten minutes ago."

Cress jumped off of Thorne but mis-stepped on the metal foot, toppling to the ground. She squeaked, "It's gonna be a long day."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I wrote this for the Free Week of tlcshipweeks! I don't know where the idea came from, I just hope everyone else thinks it's as funny as I did when I was writing it. :')


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Lovelunarchron sent me this prompt last night, and I had to write it! I'm cheating and posting it with Backwards Magic because it technically falls under all of the same categories! Yay!

* * *

><p><strong>Crack Prompt: A character of your choosing is splashed with a powerful love potion. For the next twenty-four hours, EVERYONE is attracted to them.<strong>

He was practically drooling.

"You're so _pretty_…"

She stumbled backwards. "What in Luna's name did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to him, love. I did it to you!" The shopkeeper gave a shrill laugh.

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Wolf, _please _stop looking at me like that. Scarlet!" She turned back to the old shopkeeper. "What did you _do_?"

"It's a love potion. A single splash and anyone who sees you is instantly in love! Unfortunately, I cannot get it to last more than 24 hours."

"Unfortunately?!" Cress shrieked.

Scarlet ran in. "Cress? What is–_woah. _Cress… you're… wow…."

"Not you too," she whimpered.

Scarlet rushed over to her and began to blush furiously. "You're so beautiful, Cress. Do you, uh, wanna go out for coffee sometime?"

"Scarlet…!" Cress groaned.

Wolf walked over. "Cress, you are… you're a _goddess_."

This must be what having glamour feels like.

She threw a glare back to the old shopkeeper. "How come you're not affected by it?"

The old woman laughed again. "I made it, dearie! I'm, you know, immune!"

Cress let out a long whine. "Make it stop!"

"Twenty-four hours, dearie."

Cress groaned and sneaked out the back of the shop, Wolf and Scarlet in tow. She felt nauseous. There was no way to get rid of this–everyone who saw her would immediately be in love with her.

This was bad.

This was so, so, very bad.

She crept to the edge of the alley that lead to the marketplace and hoped that no one would see her.

"Hey! Cress!"

Thorne. _Stars above_.

He ran over to them and swept his gaze over the trio. "What's with Wolf and Scarlet?" He looked at her. "Where've you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."

Relief flooded her. "It doesn't affect you!"

The confusion in his features grew. "What doesn't affect me?"

"That creepy old lady in the shop threw some stuff on me while I was walking around, and she cackled like some kind of freak, and then suddenly Wolf was all over me!" She rubbed her arms uncomfortably. "Apparently it's some sort of love potion that makes everyone who sees me fall in love with me for the next 24 hours." She shuddered.

Thorne laughed. "And it doesn't affect me? That's hilarious."

Cress sighed. "Considering we're, you know, _dating_, I figured it would've affected you the most."

With a charismatic grin, he looped his arm through hers. Wolf and Scarlet both cried out in jealous protest. "C'mon," said Thorne. "Let's get you away from the public before someone other than me sweeps you off your feet."

She giggled. "Don't worry, Captain. You don't have much to worry about." She glanced back to the backdoor of the Second Era apothecary shop. "On second thought, I wanna figure out why it affects everyone but you."

"Is there anyone in there I'm gonna have to fight off? I'm pretty sure the only thing keeping Wolf and Scar at bay is because they know us."

Cress dragged a hand down the side of her face. "There wasn't anyone but us in there just now, but I can't account for the last few minutes."

There _was _another person in there. An old man. Perhaps he was handsome a decade or two ago, but his age-worn face was not an appealing sight.

As soon as he spotted the group, his eyes flew to Cress, and he plucked a rose from one of the vases kept around the store.

"My lady," he said, running up to them, his words rushed like he couldn't get them out fast enough. "You are sublime and I would be honored to take you out sometime."

Cress's eyes widened and she stepped back, directly into Thorne. "I–uh–um–no, thank you."

The old man's eyes filled with tears just as the shopkeeper arrived, cackling all the way, and sent him out of the store.

She turned back to Cress, hovering just a few inches over her. "My dearie, I told you that there is no cure. It will be only a day, remember?" She eyed Thorne and the arm that was looped through hers. "I see you've found yourself a little friend already!"

"That's why we're here, actually," Thorne muttered.

Cress pressed her lips into a line and dropped her eyes. "We're dating, but he's not affected by it and we don't know why."

The old woman cackled again. It sounded like a malfunctioning port, with its high notes and screeching tones. "Let's talk this one through," she said, amusement in her tone. "A potion. That's supposed to make everyone around you fall _in love_ with you. Your _boyfriend_, the man you've been dating, isn't affected by it. What do you think that means?"

Cress furrowed her brow. "That's what I'm trying to figure out!" She huffed and then looked up at Thorne, who was a little red and a lot of flustered. "Does this make any sense to you?"

He wet his lips and glanced at her. "N-nope. I have no clue what she's on about. Let's get outta here. I've got a lot of people to fend off between here and the hotel."

The shopkeeper only regarded them with the creepiest smirk when they left.

"Th-that was weird," Thorne said with a chuckle.

"I know. Just wait until we tell Kai and Cinder! Maybe they'll know why it won't work on you."

The color drained from his face. "Maybe."


End file.
